My Blog
Not a Wasted Moment
Sunday, January 25, 2004 at 5:07 am
I owe myself, my life, and the world an apology. No, it's not simply since it's the end of January and it's the first time I've posted in my online journal. No, that's not it at all. The truth is, though, while I haven't been writing in here, I haven't truly been living. When I don't have to make mention of it, I don't have to remember it. The truth is, though, last semester I made quite a waste of my time. I didn't have my first class until 3:30 in the afternoon on 3 days of the week. To most people, that's a whole lot of free daylight. For me, that meant that I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. every night and only woke up early enough to make it to lunch. And of course I stayed at lunch for a couple of hours such that when I went back to my room I only had a few sparse moments before it was time to go to class. Wasted time. Sure, I developed a few better friendships, but I think I could have done that without sacrificing so much. There are so many things I have left to do while I'm here on earth, and if I'm not working on one of the things I think I should get done, I feel like time has been wasted. I've started a novel that I doubt I'll ever come close to finishing, if I ever even read it again. I have a good idea to get me started in writing a screenplay as well. So my excuse is that I'm not a good writer. I also wasn't very good at walking early in life before I tried much of it. I want to be able to play the piano. I want to be in better shape. I want to use those moments that I take for granted every single day. I saw a weird movie tonight. It was called 'Big Fish' - the work of Tim Burton. What a weird movie. I liked it. Even though the movie didn't make any more sense than the main character, my imagination was woken up. It helps also that I had my first full night of sleep last night since the beginning of January. From the start of the year up till thursday, I've been enrolled in an intense 3-week course called Digital Video 2. I honestly didn't learn much during the week. I did learn about how little I learned, but I was too tired most of the time to make progress. Creativity had died in my mind and I just wanted to get through it. Why? Probably a little bit of what I heard on the radio this afternoon on my way to work on someone's computer - I had become a pro at procrastination. Once you learn that you can still get by when you wait till the last minute, you start to love it. It changed me so much that even things that I wanted to do and to get done became things I wanted to put off till later. Why? It's easier that way. Since I've been so busy and spring semester starts after this weekend, it feels like it's the beginning of the year for real now. I want to make my theme for this year: "Not A Wasted Moment." That means - not that I won't ever sleep - but that I want it to be my goal to get a full night of sleep whenever I can. It means that if I'm going to have fun, I should do it in a way that works- either spend my free time with friends or work on one of my goals. I'm going to write a song now to help decide on how January and the rest of 2004 is gonna go. It's to the tune of Switchfoot's "New Way to be Human."
Every year it's the same thing
Another day has begun
I'm wonderin', is this the way it's done?
It's a waste to be selfish
And I think that I'm dumb
I'm wonderin', can this race be won?
With all of my mistakes
It's still January
Oh God will you help me
To fulfill my dreams
It's my new year's resolution
To be what I've never been
It's my new year's resolution
New year's resolution
Is it from life in this nation
That all ambitions have gone
I'm wonderin', is my life more than fun?
I feel like a failure
For wasting my time
I just need to get this
Into my mind
It's my new year's resolution
To be what I've never been
It's my new year's resolution
Not being lazy again
It's my new year's resolution
How my time will be spent
With my new year's resolution
New year's resolution
Are my thoughts more than just
My impossible dreams
You planned all this
Let me follow you because
It's my new year's resolution
New year's resolution
It's my new year's resolution
Not being lazy again
It's my new year's resolution
Intention begins
You're my new year's resolution
You're my new year's resolution
You're the only true evolution
You're my new year's resolution
So there you have it. I have no idea why I just randomly wrote out this song. I guess writing just helps myself to see what I'm thinking. I want to spend every waking moment serving my God and King whether it's by participating in my education, being generous with my firends, or if it's simply setting aside time to open my Bible.
Deer God
Tuesday, December 02, 2003 at 5:38 pm
What an adventure.... I was on my way back from home after Thanksgiving on Sunday night and things were going great. I was driving back Erin Miller who brought Aly Boe home with her for the holiday weekend. Our stomachs were happy because we had stopped at Arby's in Springfield (mmm good stuff). We were about 10 miles from Greenville when we saw a deer standing beside the right lane. As soon as we saw him, he stepped into the right lane and stared at me. I hit the brakes immediately, but we were very close to it and I knew that from the beginning. I don't typically panic in situations like this - in fact, I didn't even have an adrenaline rush at the time. It both helps and hurts - I had more of my mind to think, but I'm slower to react. Realizing that I was going to have an impact at that speed and also that the deer had stood still for a long moment, I swerved into the left lane (fully aware about where the lane boundaries are because my main concern was staying on the road, oddly enough). When I swerved, off ran the deer....into the left lane. With still quite a bit of speed to slow down from, we bashed right into the deer head-on. I feel very lucky the way things happened. I was the only one with the slightest amount of injury, and that was all from the airbag punching me in the face. I few skin burns from the airbag inflating and a sore jaw muscle were the only problems I encountered. I thank God so much for my ability to stay calm in situations like that. Afterward, Aly saw the steam coming from my engine and since she was still on an adrenaline rush, she was afraid the car might explode, so we got out of the car right away and she ran, erin ran, then I finally started running to keep up with them. Of course, nothing happened. When I got back to my car to take a look, it seemed that although my car was ugly, the hood was buckled over, and one headlight was out - the hood still latched and the only thing I think was wrong with the engine was that all the coolant had leaked out. The police showed up without my intervention - I think someone must have called it in. My first words to the police officer were something like "Hi, do you want a cookie?" as I offered him one of the cookies that Erin's mom sent along. I was in a giddy mod, and it was obvious because I also apologized to the officer for not signaling when I swerved into the left lane, and also because it was a no passing zone. That's about it for the fun of that day... God is awesome, and he saved me from much worse. I just hope I have a car to drive soon :-).
I Was Challenged
Tuesday, November 25, 2003 at 8:46 am
"13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
James 4:13-17
Tonight didn't go the way I had hoped. I was anticipating all day the work that I was going to do with Eric. You see, we decided at lunch that we would do a video project with him sometime that evening. That was something we had both been wanting to do all semester. Instead, I didn't even leave the dining commons until 8:10 p.m. (just crazy, isn't it?)! We never got around to shooting that video until around midnight-thirty or so. It was late and we were standing outside of the union talking about stuff. All of a sudden, a man came up to us and asked us if either of us had a car. Eric said "no, I don't have a car - sorry." Here I was standing with keys visibly in my hands as I am leaning against my car... The verse James 4:13-17 was burning on my heart as I stood there. He explained his situation about how he was stranded and had been walking for miles in the cold (30 degrees Farenheit). The next thing I know, I'm asking "Eric, do you want to come along?" The man needed a ride to a place a couple miles out of town. This was not something I was comfortable with. I sat there thinking - I know what God wants me to do. If he wants me to survive, then I will. I could have easily been robbed, been forced to drive with a knife to my neck, but no - this was one of those times where I was uneasy but safe. I had exactly the same feelings and emotions as I have when I give blood. I hate needles, but giving blood is totally worth it. I spend a long time afraid of the needle - not thinking things will go wrong, but just anticipating the prick of pain if it hurt. This was similar - I wasn't afraid to die, but I would be afraid of getting injured just because it made me uneasy. He got home safely, offered a couple dollars for the gas and the trouble...I didn't take it. We shook hands - that was the greatest part. I certainly don't talk about this on the Internet because I want to brag to the world about how nice I am - to an extent I helped the guy because I would feel guilty for not doing it. I do want to show everyone that God knows how to protect us and that it's ok to have faith and do some crazy things for Him and know that God will be there to help you. This is the third time that I've given a ride to a complete stranger like this. It was worth it. What can you do for someone today?
The day of the day!
Friday, October 31, 2003 at 7:30 am
Today was a super-busy day, but I loved every minute of it. I got to help Brooke, Sheree, and Katie with their Studio Recording project. Next, I was able to get the Powerpoint typed up for Vespers just in time. During the afternoon I had just enough time to try and finish the homework I forgot to do. Because physics lab was cancelled, I had enough time to put my laptop back together after fixing it (see how everything's fitting together?). Next good thing was that I had finally received my free DVD player from signing up for a credit card - from creditgift.com. When I set it up, I tested it with my "Go West Young Man" DVD from Camp this summer. At Vespers tonight - of all things - was a long story about someone helping at a Christian camp for the summer. It was so refreshing to hear about someone else's experience and I was reminded how great it really was. I want next summer so badly. All in all, it was a beautiful, though hectic, day.
Jesus $aves
Monday, October 13, 2003 at 6:02 am
Well - the ongoing debate on who's da man continues... That man is definitely God. I've been failing and failing to trust God to provide money for me, when I should know that He can do it. Just yesterday, I was wondering how I was going to beg my parents to help me out this month with my $40 cell phone bill and $10 worth of gas that I owed on my credit card. Having no job except whenever I'm requested for computer repair means I have to leave my finances totally in God's hands. Instead, I worry. Just today, though - I made $50 - enough to cover everything I need right now. I can't believe how stupid I was. God is good.
