My Blog
Yay for camp
Saturday, July 12, 2003 at 7:29 am
Getting ready for camp is the most exciting thing. I'll be helping at LaMoine Christian Camp next week Sunday thru Friday. There will be 140+ campers in 5th and 6th grade. The theme: "Go West, Young Man" - which is also the name of a Michael W. Smith Song. I spent several hours yesterday and today editing the music video for that song - using clips from western movies. That time isn't counting the 10 hours worth of movies I watched or fast-forwarded through to get those clips. I still have a hundred things to do tomorrow - so many things that I might accidentally forget to pack tomorrow!!! I know it's worth it. There's no doubt about that. Too many things to do - I shall sleep....soon
It just never ends...shut up brain
Tuesday, July 08, 2003 at 6:22 am
Yeah, it's true I'm depressed for lack of a girl. Of course, it goes back to the first problem, I guess. I need God in my life. I'm only wanting a girl so bad because I miss the relationship with God that is no longer there. Once I restore that relationship, there won't be as much of a need, but yet it will also make it easier for me to relate with people. Here's my little "experiment." - I'm gonna leave myself a note to read the Bible in the morning. I'll see if that doesn't just turn my day around. After a long talk with Josh, I think that's what I need to do.
Overthinking
Monday, July 07, 2003 at 5:33 am
I didn't lie yesterday when I decided that I wasn't able to enjoy Cornerstone as much as I could because I was thinking too much and worrying. I wouldn't admit to myself that the thing that was bothering me most was my lack of a girlfriend. I know I can trust God to have someone great in store for me. He's provided me with everything good in my life. I just lose trust because it isn't happening now. It's very depressing. That feeling is lingering. I can't give up and I can't settle for less than the best. I have to find some way of letting go if it for now, though. I need to leave it in God's hands.
Cornerstone is over...
Sunday, July 06, 2003 at 5:37 am
Cornerstone Festival 2003 is over now! I am so sad to see it all end - and with it goes so many faces of people I either will never see again or that I rarely see. I spent this week at Cornerstone almost unable to relax. I felt so much pressure and obligation to "Hesstopia," that at times I didn't do anything I wanted to do. I wanted to be around the camp site whenever anyone else was there. I didn't spend as much time with Andrea and Echo as I wanted to. I didn't really see any new bands - though that's what I was excited about for this year!!! I know that I had far too much on my mind this week. In one week and 12 hours, I'll be at LaMoine Christian Camp for a week helping with a week of 5th and 6th graders. I have a ton of video work to do - and I absolutely love my role, but I feel that time is too short. After that, I have to put together a video for the pastor that moved at Jenny Dorf's church. All around I wouldn't trade any of this summer for an emptier one - but I just have to trust God more. It seems like I have tried so hard to prove that I can handle things on my own that I do handle things on my own, but without the freedom and rest that I'm used to. I want to set that straight. I want God at the very center of my life again. He's been in my life for a long time now, but I have been pushing Him further and further away from the center - and I'm filling in that spot. The result: chaos. I worry too much now - I used to not worry. I don't really think that I worry, but I do. I fear being worthless to those kids at camp if I'm not truly into Jesus - sure I can handle editing a little video, but that's not all I'm being called to do. I'm also not center-stage for that week.
Today a drowned body was found in Lake Wildwood on the grounds of Cornerstone. The remains were of a 23-year old man who was totally sold out for God. Before this week people used to think that he would lose his job at Wal-Mart because he would try to share Jesus with everyone who came into the store. Because of the way Cornerstone is, I felt like I had lost a brother. I only cried a little, but I don't know if I was more grieving over his death (though I don't know him) or if I was sad because I'm only 3 years younger and my life seems nothing like his. He was the way I wish to be. His desire in coming to Cornerstone wasn't the music, but to affect the lives of those around this area while he was here. I believe he accomplished that more than he ever thought possible. I know, because he changed me too. His death was a testimony of a short, but powerful life of love. A man whom I would have never heard of otherwise.
Great Week! Great Week!!
Saturday, July 05, 2003 at 4:21 pm
So I'm at Cornerstone Music Festival this week - home for a shower break right now. I am really loving this week, and I'll try to tell the world about it as soon as possible...yeah...
