Cornerstone is over...

Cornerstone Festival 2003 is over now! I am so sad to see it all end - and with it goes so many faces of people I either will never see again or that I rarely see. I spent this week at Cornerstone almost unable to relax. I felt so much pressure and obligation to "Hesstopia," that at times I didn't do anything I wanted to do. I wanted to be around the camp site whenever anyone else was there. I didn't spend as much time with Andrea and Echo as I wanted to. I didn't really see any new bands - though that's what I was excited about for this year!!! I know that I had far too much on my mind this week. In one week and 12 hours, I'll be at LaMoine Christian Camp for a week helping with a week of 5th and 6th graders. I have a ton of video work to do - and I absolutely love my role, but I feel that time is too short. After that, I have to put together a video for the pastor that moved at Jenny Dorf's church. All around I wouldn't trade any of this summer for an emptier one - but I just have to trust God more. It seems like I have tried so hard to prove that I can handle things on my own that I do handle things on my own, but without the freedom and rest that I'm used to. I want to set that straight. I want God at the very center of my life again. He's been in my life for a long time now, but I have been pushing Him further and further away from the center - and I'm filling in that spot. The result: chaos. I worry too much now - I used to not worry. I don't really think that I worry, but I do. I fear being worthless to those kids at camp if I'm not truly into Jesus - sure I can handle editing a little video, but that's not all I'm being called to do. I'm also not center-stage for that week.

Today a drowned body was found in Lake Wildwood on the grounds of Cornerstone. The remains were of a 23-year old man who was totally sold out for God. Before this week people used to think that he would lose his job at Wal-Mart because he would try to share Jesus with everyone who came into the store. Because of the way Cornerstone is, I felt like I had lost a brother. I only cried a little, but I don't know if I was more grieving over his death (though I don't know him) or if I was sad because I'm only 3 years younger and my life seems nothing like his. He was the way I wish to be. His desire in coming to Cornerstone wasn't the music, but to affect the lives of those around this area while he was here. I believe he accomplished that more than he ever thought possible. I know, because he changed me too. His death was a testimony of a short, but powerful life of love. A man whom I would have never heard of otherwise.