Not a Wasted Moment

I owe myself, my life, and the world an apology. No, it's not simply since it's the end of January and it's the first time I've posted in my online journal. No, that's not it at all. The truth is, though, while I haven't been writing in here, I haven't truly been living. When I don't have to make mention of it, I don't have to remember it. The truth is, though, last semester I made quite a waste of my time. I didn't have my first class until 3:30 in the afternoon on 3 days of the week. To most people, that's a whole lot of free daylight. For me, that meant that I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. every night and only woke up early enough to make it to lunch. And of course I stayed at lunch for a couple of hours such that when I went back to my room I only had a few sparse moments before it was time to go to class. Wasted time. Sure, I developed a few better friendships, but I think I could have done that without sacrificing so much. There are so many things I have left to do while I'm here on earth, and if I'm not working on one of the things I think I should get done, I feel like time has been wasted. I've started a novel that I doubt I'll ever come close to finishing, if I ever even read it again. I have a good idea to get me started in writing a screenplay as well. So my excuse is that I'm not a good writer. I also wasn't very good at walking early in life before I tried much of it. I want to be able to play the piano. I want to be in better shape. I want to use those moments that I take for granted every single day. I saw a weird movie tonight. It was called 'Big Fish' - the work of Tim Burton. What a weird movie. I liked it. Even though the movie didn't make any more sense than the main character, my imagination was woken up. It helps also that I had my first full night of sleep last night since the beginning of January. From the start of the year up till thursday, I've been enrolled in an intense 3-week course called Digital Video 2. I honestly didn't learn much during the week. I did learn about how little I learned, but I was too tired most of the time to make progress. Creativity had died in my mind and I just wanted to get through it. Why? Probably a little bit of what I heard on the radio this afternoon on my way to work on someone's computer - I had become a pro at procrastination. Once you learn that you can still get by when you wait till the last minute, you start to love it. It changed me so much that even things that I wanted to do and to get done became things I wanted to put off till later. Why? It's easier that way. Since I've been so busy and spring semester starts after this weekend, it feels like it's the beginning of the year for real now. I want to make my theme for this year: "Not A Wasted Moment." That means - not that I won't ever sleep - but that I want it to be my goal to get a full night of sleep whenever I can. It means that if I'm going to have fun, I should do it in a way that works- either spend my free time with friends or work on one of my goals. I'm going to write a song now to help decide on how January and the rest of 2004 is gonna go. It's to the tune of Switchfoot's "New Way to be Human."

Every year it's the same thing
Another day has begun
I'm wonderin', is this the way it's done?

It's a waste to be selfish
And I think that I'm dumb
I'm wonderin', can this race be won?


With all of my mistakes
It's still January
Oh God will you help me
To fulfill my dreams

It's my new year's resolution
To be what I've never been
It's my new year's resolution
New year's resolution

Is it from life in this nation
That all ambitions have gone
I'm wonderin', is my life more than fun?

I feel like a failure
For wasting my time
I just need to get this
Into my mind

It's my new year's resolution
To be what I've never been
It's my new year's resolution
Not being lazy again
It's my new year's resolution
How my time will be spent
With my new year's resolution
New year's resolution

Are my thoughts more than just
My impossible dreams
You planned all this
Let me follow you because

It's my new year's resolution
New year's resolution
It's my new year's resolution
Not being lazy again
It's my new year's resolution
Intention begins
You're my new year's resolution
You're my new year's resolution
You're the only true evolution
You're my new year's resolution

So there you have it. I have no idea why I just randomly wrote out this song. I guess writing just helps myself to see what I'm thinking. I want to spend every waking moment serving my God and King whether it's by participating in my education, being generous with my firends, or if it's simply setting aside time to open my Bible.