To See Unspoken Dialogue

I always expect people to say things to me directly when they want me to know something. I've found out for sure that's not always the case. I spent the weekend waiting to edit the thirstborne music video - especially since all summer I had been waiting for the moment. It has been really the only thing other than camp that I've had to look forward to since I left Greenville in May. Since I have had nothing to really do during all the test shooting, I ended up looking at every little detail and finding something wrong with half of it. On the one hand, they were legitimate criticisms and would need to be considered (or would already have been considered) on a professional job. On the other hand, Rod and Joe have spent all summer working out the details of the project and they are way too attached to find any flaws. I understand - I've been the same way so many hundreds of times. As a matter of fact, over the weekend I had time to decide how I was going to avoid saying anything more like that so I wouldn't cause them more trouble. Today, instead, I got cancelled from the project. It was the most devastating news I could have heard, which I later realized was half for the wrong reasons. One reason was that I couldn't bear to tell anyone. The other was that I really looked forward to being on campus again. And I also had to deal with the fact that they and I both knew that we will most likely lose quality from the finished product without me. That was a chance they were more than ready to take. Their soft-spoken complaints of how I was acting didn't give me enough indication that there was a real problem - I mean, I'm used to being annoying. After moving out my computer and packing everything into my car, I decided that they were better off at this point - and if I didn't get kicked off I would have never learned the lesson that I needed so badly. I wished them the best, gave a little advice, and offered my help anytime they needed it on the rest of the project. They are more than willing to have me back for the next project, so I figured they might need me sooner. In an hour I find out if I can move onto campus. I would be hurt severely again if I don't get to. For one thing, I can't afford to drive back home. For another, my room is already in use by someone else. Life will continue. Thinking that the music video was my only life only hurt me. Interestingly enough, last night I again realized just how important a part God has in my life. I found an interesting article that helped me today: http://www.truthwalk.com/archives/122800.html.